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04 June 2011 @ 20:56
 
6x05 The Rebel Flesh & 6x06 The Almost People

Well, well, well, I’m definitely not missing my chance of being ignorant, so here’s a last-minute summary of the two-parter with some gratis WTF’ing before I stack up on jelly babies and fish fingers and watch the finale.

Yay, this episode was written by Life on Mars’ Matthew Graham. And he’s brought DC Skelton along! And oh my, all those accents, it was loverly, really.
So, what we’ve got here is an awesome stunning fantastic brilliant looking monastery standing on a tiny island (as it turns out, multiple stunning fantastic monasteries/castles, which makes it about five times as cool), currently inhabited by people who pass the time playing The Matrix. But all of that will soon change, as the Doctor dashes in with a snow globe, a new-found love of weather-cocks and a fresh concern in big stinky bowls of rubbery flesh. As well as those two people he failed to get rid of a minute before.
And obviously, the one place he’d love to see in that stunning, etc. monastery of old is the Room of the Bowl of Goo. We just have time to see Jennifer the Not Annoying At All get cloned alright before the thunderstorm comes and changes the channel to Frankenstein’s Monster. Thank gods she made it just in time, what would we have done without Her Craziness? Anyway, the Doctor rushes to save the day but failure seems to be following him all day. Must be a Thursday. The Doppelgängers come to life at half-time.
So, instead of flashback learning about the first time the Doctor got to say ‘I have to get to that cockerel before all hell breaks loose!’ (I’m intrigued, dammit!), we instead get to know Team Ganger. Team Ganger would be definitely a bunch of losers if it weren’t for Batshit Crazy Jennifer. Just look at them, in their 100% meat clothes, going on about their existential problems calmly instead of breaking the set in pieces and crying Death to Humans. And the best tagline they manage is ‘We are living, aiaiaiaiarrrgh.’
However, we get a glimpse of Jennifer’s role very soon, with Rory getting all over-emotional over her. Rory flirting with some random chick? That’s funny. ‘Noticed your eyes right off’, wow, she saw them from his nose? And those looks Amy gave were priceless. But on the other hand, Rory flirting with the annoying, barking mad spider lady? ...is giving her more time to get on my nerves. I didn’t like her. She sounded like a five-year-old, was lunatic, and whined about not being treated as a human with a ten feet tall neck. OK, well, he didn’t really have a choice, it was either her or the equally-crazy-at-the-beginning Cleaves, and Jennifer had about ten years to her advantage. The point is, he kept socialising with Lunatic Human-eating Jennifer all along without realising she’s a sociopath. It was sad, really. And yet he didn’t die, even though I was expecting it every minute, because I thought the life expectancy of someone who dies in every second episode in the presence of Jennifer in an acid factory should be very, very short. Or was that supposed to be the twist?
Anyway, the story was pretty neat, with all the existential problems. I liked the dilemma of the two Jimmy’s and their son. Though he didn’t register as a real kid. Real kids don’t go yes-yes-yes-yes and jump up and down like that all the time. Had he got too much sugar in his birthday cake?
And there was the TWO DOCTORS! ALL THE WASTED POTENTIAL IN JOURNEY’S END NOW FULLY UTILISED. Thank you. For years I’ve been gobbing on about the possibilities of having two of the same Doctor in one space and now my prayers have been heard by the pantheon of Doctor Who gods, in other words, scriptwriters.
I completely didn’t see the second Doctor coming. Not all. Not until he dipped his hand into the goo and went on about it scanning him. Five whole minutes! Graham apparently didn’t want to go for surprising. But it was awesome nevertheless. Can we get Ganger Doctor back? As a full-time companion? Pretty please?

Yadda, yadda, yadda, Amy’s a ganger, oh-em-gee. Sod you, Moffat. I didn’t see it coming. Not even with the Doctor eyeing Amy with a solemn expression for ages after she inquires about the flesh, not even with the Doctor going on about better ganger technologies, not even with them arriving here right after the Doctor’d scanned Amy for fun for the billionth time and suddenly wanted to shake them off so he could go and investigate into the matter.
Also, how is the Silence coming in the picture? When the Silence kidnap Amy they tell her she will bring the Silence about and also that she’s been there for days. So, what? They couldn’t have doppelganger-ised Amy there on spot because she’s already seen the Eyepatch Lady before. But then why kidnap her... again? And is it then the girl bringing the Silence to Earth or what? And how? And what the fuck?
And I’m honestly not seeing how this will work out. I’m simply not seeing the kid as the Doctor’s child, that’s not possible. There’ll probably be some timey-wimey explanation that doesn’t sound as lame-arse as the timey-wimey explanations I’ve been trying to make up, but one thing’s sure:
MR MOFFAT, IF YOU DARE PUT A CLIFF-HANGER ENDING IN IT AND I’LL BE IN SUSPENSE ALL SUMMER, I’LL COMMIT HERESY AND CALL YOU EVIL. I mean, really evil. The type of evil who owns a fluffy cat and sits in a high-back wheelchair behind a mahogany desk (and turns dramatically to meet the protagonists) and laughs maniacally and all that.
 
 
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